Tag: Mediator

Genesis and Dispute Resolution

{4 minutes to read}  Conflicts go back a long way. There’s no shortage of them. Some get resolved and some don’t. And the species has chosen many different ways to resolve disputes. One method with a long history is murder. It’s a quick solution, though not necessarily a long-lasting one.

Cain killing Abel, marble relief on the facade of the Milan Cathedral, Duomo di Santa Maria Nascente, Milan, Lombardy, Italy

According to the Bible, Adam and Eve get off to a rocky start. Even before the trials of raising a family arrive, Adam and Eve have some issues. You may recall the serpent convinces Eve she need not fear eating the fruit from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil. She eats the fruit, gives some to Adam, who also eats it, and things go downhill pretty fast. God notices what happened, asks for an explanation, and the testimony is a model of accepting responsibility and trying to work things out.

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Does it Matter What Time a Mediation Starts?

Someone once asked me what the key was to resolving a case at mediation. My answer was: It starts to get dark out. 

No one wants to leave the mediation at the end of the day with nothing to show for it, and as the skies deepen, people often start to modify positions that were much firmer earlier in the day. The logical extension of this is that the winter solstice is your friend and the summer solstice can be a setup for a very long day.

Of course not every case gets resolved in one sitting and the setting sun may have little effect on divorce matters, which often unfold over several months as the spouses figure out how to navigate a new landscape involving kids, houses, finances, and summer vacations. But a large percentage of mediated disputes are limited to issues that will be resolved by one party paying the other a sum of money. In those matters, I often find that people don’t want to end the day without a resolution. 

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Presumptive Mediation Update

~This post is dedicated to Chuck Newman, a good friend who was passionate about mediation and worked tirelessly to move it forward in many different areas. He will be sorely missed.~ 

{4 minutes to read}  I have written before about Presumptive Mediation, which generally refers to courts where almost all civil cases presumptively go to mediation early in the litigation process.

Many state and federal courts have such programs and they are generally very successful. The New York State courts have been slow to embrace this though in May 2019 the State’s Chief Judge, Janet DiFiore, issued a press release stating the New York State courts would move to a presumptive mediation model.

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Can Mediation Turn Back the Clock? – Construction

In my last blog, I addressed mediation turning the clock back and focused on divorce matters. What about other types of disputes?

Reverse clock with wooden frame isolated on white background

Several months ago, I mediated a case involving an upscale medical practice in a very upscale Manhattan coop building. Like most medical offices in such buildings, it was on the ground floor and had suffered from some flooding that the practice believed was the fault of some actions taken by the coop. The case was actually on appeal before the 2d Circuit so one side had already prevailed at the District Court. However, the mediation brought the two sides together for discussions that never would have happened had the parties simply moved ahead with the appeal. It turned out that both sides really wanted to figure out a way to live together since, in fact, they were going to regardless of who prevailed on appeal. Neither the building nor the medical office was going anywhere soon. 

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Can Mediation Turn Back the Clock?

Reverse clock with wooden frame isolated on white background

I’ve written before about what success means in mediation. Often it means a complete resolution of a dispute and the parties can go on their way, having saved lots of time, aggravation, and a bundle in litigation expenses. Even when there is not a complete resolution, mediation often resolves at least part of a dispute or helps the parties significantly lessen the amount of discovery needed as the case moves forward. However, can mediation undo what’s been done? Can it restore the parties to some kind of pre-dispute state of harmony?

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Can a Mediator Really Like Everyone?

Grimacing mime with hands akimbo and mask on head

It’s not uncommon that parties to a mediation don’t like each other, though you can never predict beforehand.  I find that opposing counsel are typically at least cordial to each other and sometimes downright friendly.  Divorcing couples sometimes get along just fine during a mediation.  And I’ve been in situations where the clients, watching their attorneys bicker back and forth, take matters into their own hands and work out a deal between themselves.

Part of the mediator’s job is to be friends with everyone.  If you want to successfully push and cajole, it’s best that people think you’re their friend.  Usually, this isn’t too hard. 

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Does Familiarity Breed Contempt?

Image of Last Will and Testament ready to sign

{3 minutes to read}  Estate battles generally lend themselves to great TV. No, what I really meant to say was that estate battles generally lend themselves to mediation. They take some unpacking since the issues that give rise to them are often years in the making. Maybe decades. There can be distrust, hurt feelings, greed, anger. There are in-laws whose membership in the family may be recent or of long duration. The parties often don’t want to be in the same room with each other, something that mediation – but not the courtroom – can accommodate. 

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Divorce Mediation: How Long Does it Take?

Gary Shaffer - How long does it take to mediate a divorce? It depends.{4:30 minutes to read}  One question I always get whenever someone calls about a divorce mediation is, “How long does it usually take?” The “It depends” answer to this one is far more accurate than in most other mediations.

Many non-divorce mediations take a full day. There is something about participants getting tired and it getting dark that stimulates movement. No one wants to leave after 8, 10, or 12 hours with nothing to show for it.

In divorce mediations, a similar process plays out, but never in one day. And single sessions rarely go over two hours. Couples get exhausted by that point. Plus they need to reflect on and sometimes even live with issues, emotions, and possible decisions.

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Condo Association Warfare

Condo Association Warfare by Gary Shaffer

{4:30 minutes to read} A friend recently told me about a situation involving her neighbor at the condo development where she lives. She and the neighbor were never close friends, but they were friendly toward each other, saying hello and chatting when they would see one another.

About a year ago, however, things began to change. The flowers my friend had planted in her front yard for several years were now not to her neighbor’s liking. And the awning that provided shade on the rear of my friend’s unit, which faces west and can get hot in the summer, was suddenly a violation of the condo rules. The awning had been up for about seven years.

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Family Disputes: Selling the Family Home

{3:54 minutes to read} Our mental attics can store lots of emotional content when it comes to a family home. For Family Disputes: Selling The Family Home by Gary Shaffermany families, selling that home may be sad, but not otherwise a source of contention. It can even be a relief. But for others, selling the home can create conflict. While there can be an almost infinite source of such conflicts, mediation can provide a way to ease or even resolve them.

Money and emotion are almost always intertwined in a dispute over the family home, and any attempt at resolution must address both. Ideally, the issue is addressed before a dispute arises:

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About Us

An honors graduate of Harvard University and the Cardozo Law School of Yeshiva University, where he also served on the Law Review, Gary brings more than 30 years of litigation and negotiation experience to his practice as a mediator. He has successfully negotiated and mediated resolutions in family matters, employment cases, commercial disputes, personal injury cases, and major civil rights matters.

Contact Us

Phone :- 347.314.2163
Email :- gary@shaffermediation.com

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